she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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