If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
