he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
