Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
