so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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