You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
