Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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