I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
