i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize