Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
