I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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