Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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