new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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