The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
