yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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