I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
this is an emotional support booty call
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
