after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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