why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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