I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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