Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
