NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
