Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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