a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
