i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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