I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
