if you like me you must not know who I am
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize