i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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