One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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