mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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