I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
