I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
