planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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