she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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