he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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