I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
