Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
