What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
