my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
