Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He passed out mid-signature
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
