Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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