Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
