remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
