Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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