just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize