quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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