I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i need some magic done to my vagina
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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