God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
