you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
