Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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