An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
