We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
