i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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