I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
