The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
