We won't sleep together?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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