No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
