so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
