fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
