I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize