I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
