Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
