After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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