I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
