Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
