he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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