Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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