I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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