DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
