i love accidental penises.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize