That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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