You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
