Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry my hands just texted you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
