You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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