She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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