I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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