i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
