No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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