If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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