you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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