my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
