She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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