and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize