I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
