i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
