shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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