I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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