You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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