the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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