i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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