I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
