I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
