they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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