We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He has the fingertips of a God
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
