If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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