Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
