Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
