i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
