the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
