I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
being pregnant is like rehab
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize