he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Someone shattered a urinal.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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