I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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