I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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