Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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