I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
