doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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