hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
