When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
