Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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