Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
where does the pee come out of this thing
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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