i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
