I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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