we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
