it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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