take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
