I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize