i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
