you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
