i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
